Archive for the ‘Wellness’ Category

Thermal Uncertainty Disorder - Band-Tailed Pigeon Fan Stance

23, Jun 2009

While your coworkers argue about the temperature settings, you
are the one who suffers. One person sets the thermostat to sixty,
and another bumps it up to eighty. Ten the cycle repeats. You
are left confused and cold. Or hot. Unfortunately, you live in a
world of climactic chaos, you don’t know what to do, and [...]

Severe Control Sensitivity - Walnut Caterpillar Pressing Earth Posture

18, Jun 2009

There are many rules that we must follow without question,
but some seem designed to simply impose control for control’s
sake. Tis can be literally maddening. If you feel like a pawn in
the wacky world of corporate domination, then you may have
developed Severe Control Sensitivity. While you can do [...]

Cubicle Claustrophobia - Evening Grosbeak Cube Position

16, Jun 2009

New office workers waste a lot of time trying to adjust to the
small space available in most cubicles. Americans have grown
up with a super-size mentality, and the super-small square
footage they are assigned for eight hours [...]

Printer Envy - Northern Fur Seal Sheltering Arms Position

11, Jun 2009

You thought you had the best printer ever, but then you saw
the four-color, eighty-page per minute beauty in the payroll
office, and now you’re not so sure. Te department secretary has
a totally awesome LaserJet, and [...]

Music Download Fatigue - Coast Mole Cave Posture

9, Jun 2009

Music downloads are great for productivity, but waiting for
free tune providers to deliver the goods can be exhausting. To
prepare for your next grueling session, climb beneath your desk
and assume the Coast Mole Cave Posture. Gently rest your head
on your computer, and [...]

Tune Proximity Aversion - Rusty Blackbird Indexed Ear Position

21, May 2009

It is human nature to scorn music chosen by others. Perhaps
this is why musical appreciation seldom survives a cubicle wall.
Fortunately, the human brain can be trained to filter out unwanted
melodies, although it takes rigorous training. Start with the
Rusty Blackbird Indexed Ear [...]

Task Exuberance - River Crayfish Stride Position

19, May 2009

Excitement over a work assignment is uplifting, but excessive thrill
of duty can be harmful. As with many such conditions, finding
equilibrium is the key. To lower dangerously high enthusiasm
levels, and to reduce work adrenalin, a brisk power walk around
your desk is the best remedy. A zesty romp near the window may
help moderate [...]

Acquired Window Deficiency- Side-blotched Lizard Float Position

14, May 2009

The office with the coveted window usually becomes available
only with the retirement or death of a coworker, so being denied
this treasured piece of real estate can be a traumatic experience.
The only way to overcome this paralyzing distress is through
levitation, which requires both mental focus and [...]

Customer Symbiosis - Thompson Gazelle Extended Leg Stance

12, May 2009

Sometimes your office duties are expanded, requiring you to
engage in customer service. In such cases it is important to
remain detached, as cubicle workers have a tendency to be overly
generous, especially with returns or discounts. To dampen your
natural [...]

Boredom - Boreal Chickadee Inverted Chair Position

7, May 2009

With a brain the size of a walnut, the Boreal Chickadee does
little of interest to anyone. Nevertheless, this aptly named bird
provides both inspiration and diversion. As you raise your right
arm, breathe deeply through your left nostril and suck in a
torrent [...]

Keyboard Sensitivity Disorder - Pileated Woodpecker Sedentary Position

5, May 2009

The Pileated Woodpecker is renowned for its pecking, much
like your neighbor’s relentless keyboard clicking. To drive this
incessant din from your mind requires studied practice, a steady
hand, and patience. When you can no longer bear the racket,
clear the edge of your [...]


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